Just Shut Up And Pray

 







 

"Their is...a time for every purpose under heaven.. 

a time to keep silence and a time to speak..."   

Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 7

According to Solomon, the wisest of all kings mentioned the Bible, there is a time for everything. There is a time for work and play, a time to mourn and dance, a time to weep and laugh. And for all you ladies out there, there's a also a time to just shut up and pray.

Ouch. Kinda harsh, I know. But if there's anything that we women (myself included) have become experts at is talking, nagging, talking and nagging some more. And this isn't new. The Bible actually tells us in the 21st chapter of the book of Proverbs that it's "better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." I actually laughed when I first read that because all of a sudden I visualized Eve and Sarah and Rebecca and all the other great women of the Old Testament trailing behind their husbands with a wooden spoon in one hand just nag, nag, nagging their way around their tents.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are times when we're completely justified in the things we're nagging about.

"You should help out more with the housework."

"The car needs to get taken to the mechanic."

"Why don't you spend more time with the kids?"

"I can't believe you forgot my birthday!"

"Why aren't you more romantic?"

"Why are you so rude to my mother?"

"Why can't you get a better job?"

"You really need to watch what you eat."

I mean, the list goes on and on. And nine times out of ten, we're right in that those needs or wants do need to be addressed. (I mean, who wouldn't like some help with those nasty dishes?) But more often than not, those needs will never get addressed when all we do is nag our husbands to death about them.

There is a time to speak, and a time to just be silent. But being silent doesn't mean we're not doing anything about it. What we should be doing instead of nagging is praying. Yes, praying. For your husband. Your inconsiderate, selfish, irresponsible, scatter-brained, overweight, rude, immature or whatever (you fill in the your own blank) husband. While your husband might not listen to a word you say, I can gaurantee you that God will.

Sure we want our husbands to change, but sometimes we women don't know how to differentiate between when is the right time to speak to him and when is the right time to just keep silent and pray about it. And sometimes, when we do speak to them, we don't know how to do it with love. Instead we yell. We're sarcastic. We nag. We criticize. We degrade and mock. We compare. Ahhh...our choice of words can sometimes be as sharp (and as painful) as a butcher knife. The butcher knife you use to cut up that side of beef is the same one you just used to emotionally cut up your husband.

I found this interesting take on this very same topic in a book I read a few years back called The Power of a Praying Wife. The author, Stormie Omartian says:

"A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can,

and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words can not be erased.

They can only be forgiven and that is not always easy.

Sometimes anything we say will only  hinder the flow of what God wants to do,

 so it's best to, well, [just] shut up and pray." 

 

 

Oh, yeah, sometimes we think we just need to be honest and up-front. After all, honesty is the best policy, right? Uh...wrong. The Bible says in Proverbs 29:11 that only

 

"a fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man [or woman] holds them back."

 

You don't have to tell your husband each and everything you are feeling (especially when it's mostly negative) and you really need to be careful about how blunt you are with him. Going down your check-list of things that are wrong with him -- from his ill-paying job to his receding hairline -- really isn't gonna win you an brownie points. (I mean, would you like it if he did it to you?) It certainly isn't going to force him to change. Au contrar! He might just decide to make ignoring you his full-time job!  

 

So instead, start to pray. Remember, God sees things differently than we do. And He also works in ways that we, as wives, can never hope to imitate, much less understand. According to Ms. Omartian,

"Prayer is the ultimate love language.

It communicates in ways we can't." 

 

Standing before the presence of God, pouring out your needs and desires to him, praying for Him to work on your husband -- that puts you in a pretty good place. If there are things you wish to talk to your hubby about, pray about it first. Ask God to help you figure out when is the best time to approach him. Ask God to help mellow him out so he'll be relaxed and receptive to what you have to say. And more importantly, ask God to give you the right words and to help you say them with love and kindess, instead of just whipping out the lash that is your tongue and striking him down as you might have done in the past. Follow Solomon's advice when he tells us in Ecclesiastes 5:2 not to be

 

"rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily..."

 

Talk to God first. Pray for your husband and whatever it is that's bothering or hurting you about your husband. God will filter that prayer and your request through his Holy Spirit and He'll decide whether or not what you're praying about is something that He needs to work on. And if it's not, He'll let you know because (*cough*) sometimes we're the ones that need to work on change first. (Ouch. Didn't expect to hear that, did you?)

If the Lord then decides that your concerns are valid, He'll start setting things into motion. But remember, God is the one who'll be doing the work. He'll be the one doing the softening, the convicting, the mellowing, the changing. He'll be the one to penetrate your husband's spirit, his soul, his mind -- not your nagging.

 

So pray for your husband. Pray over the situation at hand, over the problem you're encoutering. Ask the Lord teach you when and how to approach him in a way that will make him more receptive to you and more importantly, ask God to teach you how to speak to him with a heart full of love instead of one full of bitterness and resentment. It's not easy. (Boy, do I know that!) But God always wants the best for you, your husband, your family and your marriage. You can never go wrong when you let Him take control.

 

So just shut up, pray and let God do His thing.