Bible Verse of the Day:
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
Ephesians 6:4
Remember when you were able to sleep in late on Saturday mornings? When you were able to just pick up and go catch a movie or a bite to eat with nothing but your purse and your flip-flops? Oh, how about when you were able to do things without interruption -- like read a book, watch a TV show, converse on the phone, take a bath? Ahh...those were the days!
The days before kids!
Let's face it. Parenting is not easy. Don't get me wrong. Parenting my two litte boys brings me joy beyond anything I've ever experienced. I used to think that my job as a history teacher fulfilled me and that my husband's love was all that I'd ever need. But those two little critters make my heart literally bleed whenever they give me one of their million dollar hugs or a sloppy wet kiss on the cheek. Everytime I hear one of them call me Mama I feel this gooey, warm, fuzzy feeling in the middle of my chest that goes all the way down to my toes. To quote Big Nut Brown Rabbit in the book, Guess How Much I Love You?, I love them both to the moon and back!
But parenting isn't all teddy bears and goodnight kisses. It isn't just birthday cakes and Christmas presents. It's work. Hard work. But it's like everything else that is worthwhile in life. You want to get good grades in school or finish your graduate degree? You have to sacrifice and work late hours and juggle a million and one things at a time. You want that promotion at work? You have to put in the extra hours and go the extra mile.
Parenting is the same way. It involves sacrifice, long hours, patience and many times, going the extra mile. Unfortunately, nowadays, parents think they can take shortcuts. They think that as long as they clothe them and feed them and take them to school, they've done their job. But oh-how-wrong they are!
Look, folks. Children are not pets. You can't just feed them once a day, scratch them behind their ears and send them off to sleep with a "good boy, Rex." They need more than just the basics. They need love, affection, hugs, kisses.They need structure, discipline, schedules, routines, rules. They need to be told "no" when they do wrong, and then they need to understand why. They need you to teach them, to be a role model to them. They need you to get down to their level and talk to them. Really talk. And then listen to them. Even if all they do is talk about Lego Star Wars or Veggie Tales or how pretty their new Barbie doll is.
More importantly, your kids need to be taught. They need to be taught the difference between right and wrong, between what's good and what's not. They need to be taught self-control and restraint. They need to be taught manners, how to be polite to others, how to show respect. (All qualities that, by the way, are almost lost among the youth of today.)
But you know what's the most important thing? They need to be taught these things by you. Not Grandma. Not their teacher. Not the baby-sitter or the people at day care or the characters on TV.
By you. Their parent. The one who decided to bring them into this world. No, they didn't choose to be born. And whether or not they were what we call an "oops!" it was an "oops!" because of your actions (or irresponsibility) and it doesn't really matter anyway because guess what? They're here! They're yours! And you need to step up.
People often go and on and on about their jobs, but won't stop to take a moment and read a book with their child. They'll sit in front of the television and watch hours of basketball or football or soap operas, but won't take the time to take their kid out for a walk. They'll spend ridiculous amounts of time on their cell phones, surfing the net or texting or chatting on Facebook or Twitter, but they refuse to sit on the floor and have a conversation with their child.
And if you don't do it, who will?
You are their parent, the one who brought them into this world, the one who has vested hundreds of clockable hours in the physical well-being of this little being. If you don't take the time to teach him, who will?
And when you don't step up, when you're so wrapped up in your own self and your own needs and wants that you fail to see those of your child, what will happen to him? Because he was never disciplined, he turned into an uncontrollable teenager. Because she was never taught no, she became a spoiled brat -- who, by the way, will eventually turn into a spoiled adult. Because you never took the time to be interested, they sought that attention and comfort from someone else. An older boyfriend. A gang. A drug.
Don't get me wrong, people. You're not going to be perfect. No one is. (If you know someone who is the perfect parent, please introduce them to me so that I can ask them what planet they're from!) But we can be better than average. We can do more than just "provide." We need to be there. Now. Not when they're sixteen or twenty or in college. Because by then, it might be too late.
Are you an average worker? Are you a mediocre spouse? If you're not, if you expend all of your energy in impressing your boss or moving ahead financially, if you go above and beyond in your romantic relationships, then why are you not giving that same attention, that same focus, to your children? Are they not worth more? Do they not need you? Of course they do!
You are her father. You are his mother. The only one they've got. They will look at you and mimick your behaviours, your attitudes, your language, your ideas about life, love, God, and everything inbetween. They will model your ethics, your morals, your values.
So take the time to teach your children. Do as the Bible says in the book of Deuteronomy and teach them God's commands so that they hold it near to their hearts as they grow. Discipline them when they need it. The book of Proverbs actually tell us that "he who loves his son is careful to discipline him" and that "...a child left to himself [without correction and discipline] disgraces his mother." Remember, you are not here to be their friend -- it's important that you understand the difference. You are the parent. The teacher. The disciplinarian. The head of the house. Yes, you're going to love them and cherish them and nurture them, but you need to have boundaries and they need to know that it is you -- not they -- who are in charge. You're not going to abuse them, but neither are you going to let them do whatever they want just because they feel like it and because you don't have the energy (or the interest) to tackle the problem.
Also, take the time to know them. Talk to them. Spend time with them -- quality time. Figure out who they are, what makes them tick, watch closely how they develop their own personalities and correct him when they show qualities that are no good. Make it a point to spend alone time with each of your children. (I have "dates" with my boys that can result in going to the movies alone with one of them or stopping by McDonald's for an ice-cream cone.) Read to them before bedtime, pray with them. Answer their questions when they pose them to you, don't just shoo them away because you're in the middle of something.
And more importantly, love them. Kiss them. Hug them. Laugh with them. Play with them. Color with them. Get messy with them. Tell them that they are the most important thing in the world to you and that no one (besides God) will ever love them the way you do.
You are a family now. A family with children. And as parents you need to step up your game and be the role models that God called you to be.
No, it does not take a village to raise a child. These kids are your responsibility -- no one else's -- so stop trying to pass the buck. Don't cross your fingers and hope, don't simply pray and take a back seat and expect that God will do the work for you. Just like you invest time and energy and effort into every other one of your relationships -- your work, your marriage, your romantic life, your friendships --- you need to do the same with this one.
Remember, they did not ask to be brought into this world. You made that choice for them.
So be all the parent you can be -- and then multiply that by ten. The rewards are sweet. The Bible says in the book of Proverbs they "will be a delight to your heart." But if continue to think only about yourself and your needs, about what's convenient and comfortable for you instead of what's best for them, then get ready because you have a rough road ahead of you.
And sooner or later, you will reap what you sow.
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The following video is by Casting Crowns. The song is called Does Anybody Hear Her?
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