Your Path

Bible Verse of the Day:

“Indeed, my plans are not like your plans, and my deeds are not like your deeds, for just as the sky is higher than the earth, so my deeds are superior to your deeds and my plans superior to your plans."

Isaiah 55:8-9

I have two little boys. Truly, they are my miracle babies, and for various reasons. One, I had a variety of different complications with each pregnancy. And two, I never, ever saw myself as a mom. Ever.

I grew up in New York City, went to college and had plans to go to Law School. In my dreams, I saw myself as a high-powered lawyer working on super important cases, raking in the big bucks, living in a elegant little brownstone in Manhattan and strutting my stuff as I clicked my two-inch heels against the tiled floors of the courtroom -- looking classy and glamourous in my tailored pant suit, perfect hair and make-up, of course. I saw myself sitting at lounges, sipping some expensive French bottled water (I don't drink), having business lunches with clients in fancy restaurants overlooking Central Park and vacationing in exotic places like Fiji or more classical places like Italy. I would have luxury cars drive me to and fro, would get my  hair done only at the best salons, and would own a gym membership that included an Olympic sized pool, warm towels and complimentary massages, Roman-style. My dreams were big, but, what the heck. I lived in America -- in New York City, the Big Apple, where the bigger the dreams, the bigger the rewards. If they could make it here, I could, too, and I'd make it b-i-g.

There wasn't any room in that dream of mine for a husband, much less kids. Not that I liked them very much to begin with. I was never one of those women that oohed and aahhed over other people's babies. Never wanted to hold them or volunteered to change diapers. Yuck! I figured I was born without that motherly instinct gene that normal women possess and so, if I didn't have any, both the proposed kid and I would both be better off.

Obviously things didn't exactly work out the way I had planned. I didn't become a lawyer, I became a high school history teacher. I didn't stay in New York City, I ended up moving first to Puerto Rico, then to (what I considered back then) the boonies of North Carolina. I ended up marrying my teenage sweetheart (who later joined the US Army National Guard) and exactly three years later, had our first baby. Four months later, we get a call from good ol' Uncle Sam and left with a long and difficult recovery after a long and difficult pregnancy, a deployed husband and no teaching job, I became (gasp!) -- a stay at home mom.

And I'm going to be honest -- I mean, country-dirt honest: I fought it all the way. Even though our son was planned, I had never believed I would stop working. I was, after all, a woman of the 21st century. I could do it all! (Even if it killed me!)

But what I hadn't counted on was an almost debilitating pregnancy that resulted in a very long recovery period after my son was born. I hadn't counted on Uncle Sam taking away my husband only four short months later when I still had no clue what I was doing with this baby. I hadn't counted on having almost no support system (baby books and the TLC channel don't count). I hadn't counted on a colicky baby that woke up at 5am (on the dot!) every single day, got up every two hours (on the dot!) every single night and didn't do any of the things the baby books said he was supposed to (thus resulting in me getting zero sleep for the first fifteen months of his life). I couldn't function. I could barely get through the day. My nerves were frazzled. I cried a lot. I yelled a lot. I was really angry -- at my husband, at the Army, at my family, at myself, even at God. Nothing had worked out how it was supposed to and no, becoming a stay at home mom was not part of the plan!

Fast forward eight years later. I've gone through two moves, three deployments, two surgeries and another very difficult pregnancy. Stuffed in there somewhere I worked for a year as a junior high school teacher and another year as a part-time Librarian. On and off I've been a stay at home mom for almost eight years and let me tell you, it hasn't been easy. (Contrary to popular belief, we stay-at-homes do not  hang out in our bathrobes, eating pints of Rocky Road and watching daytime TV all day long. Can I get an "Amen!" ladies?) But am I happy? I can sit back and honestly say: Yes. I am.

The point that I'm trying to make with all this rambling is this: Our plans aren't necessarily God's plans. You might think you know it all -- after all, you have six different degrees don't you? -- but I have a news flash for you, honey: you don't! And it's okay. You're not supposed to know it all. You can't possibly predict what wrenches Life will throw into your carefully laid out blueprints.

Instead of fighting about it, though, pick it up. Examine it. Look at how you might be able to use that wrench. Figure out if maybe these new plans, this new path you're being forced to go down, might not be better for you in the long run. Ask yourself if perhaps God wasn't the One who threw that wrench at you, knowing that if He didn't, you would never have found the path He chose for you on your own.

My dreams of becoming a high-powered lawyer in New York City never included God. They just didn't. There was no room for Him. (It was too crowded in there with all the Louis Vuitton bags I had planned on owning.) Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you can't be a lawyer in NYC and still have God in your life. Of course you can! It just wasn't in my plans. It wasn't until I had my first child that I accepted Christ into my life. Once I had that baby I realized that it wasn't just about me anymore. That now I was responsible for raising this tiny, little person and the overwhelming reality of it made me realize that I could not do it alone. Since I had absolutely no idea what I was doing (remember, I was not the mothering-type) I needed the Lord's strength and wisdom if this child had any chance of growing up somewhat normal.

As for becoming a stay-at-home mom? That's another path that I probably never would have chosen for myself. My husband's military deployments kind of cinched that one for me. But do I regret it? That would be an irrevocable no. Are you kidding? I love my life! I get to stay home and bake cookies, help with homework projects, cuddle under the blankets on a chilly morning with both my boys tucked beneath my arms. I get to take them to the park and listen to them laugh and scream and carry back in my pocket the dozen or so rocks they collected on their adventures. I can stay up with them all night when they're sick and not have to worry about getting up at 5:30 in the morning the next day. I can play Monopoly and Perfection and teach them to draw and sing to them and dance with them like a crazy person in the middle of the living room.

Now, can you still do all of this and work? Of course you can! Some women are great at balancing their work and home life and do it like true champions. I just know that I wouldn't have been able to. Staying at home wasn't what I had planned when I had my first child, but by the time Baby #2 came along, I kinda knew that I wanted to keep the status quo. By then I had stopped fighting it and realized that if this was God's plan for me, then so be it. I was going to embrace it, celebrate it, enjoy it.

Will I be a stay-at-home mom forever? Who knows? I will admit that there are times when I miss being "out there." But for now, I'm going with the flow. God knows what's best for me and for my kids. It  might not be what's best for another family, but it's what works for our family right now. And like McDonald's, I'm loving it.

Remember, the Bible reminds us that God's thoughts are not our own and His plans are not ours. If there's something going on in your life right now that has detoured from your carefully laid-out plans, stop for a minute. Think. Is it something that's out of your control, like an unexpected deployment, a surprise pregnancy, getting laid off from work or a spouse that has left? If so, after you've had your moment of sadness or anger or any combination of the two, ask yourself if maybe this is God's way of getting your attention, of leading you down a different path, one that you would probably never have chosen for yourself. Recognize that you didn't have any control over the situation, accept it as a fact, and pray that God give you the courage to follow this new path and the wisdom to figure out how it ties into His plan for you and your life.

The Bible says in Psalm 139 that He made both your mind and your heart and that He knows you thoroughly. He formed you in your mother's womb and knows all of your strengths and weaknesses better than you know them yourself. You have to trust that if He led you down this path it's because in His infinite wisdom and power, He knows that it is the best path for you.

I found two adorable little boys and a wonderfully loving husband at the end of my path, a path that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. There are other, newer paths that I have yet to discover, and I know that God will lead me to them when it's time.

What's at the end of your new path? Hold onto God's hand and let Him lead you down it. You just might be surprised at what awaits you.